I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
