After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
