Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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