You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize