Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
