Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am mentally ready for anal.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
