I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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