Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
