saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
