I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
