i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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