i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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