On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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