dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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