I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
