My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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