My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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