Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
