apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
