I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
