it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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