woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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