i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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