alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
