if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
