Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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