I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She bit a glass in half.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
