I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
