fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
