You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
