I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
