I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
