It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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