She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
