Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
