Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
