you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
