My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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