i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize