Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
