I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
