hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
