I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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