just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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