How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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