The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
