So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
