dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
