Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
