I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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