Do you still have your period?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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