I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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