my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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