Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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