no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
