Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
