Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
