I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
