I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
