When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
