I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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