they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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