Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
