i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
