I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We are all done wearing pants today
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
