I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
