have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
