it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish you could order shots online.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
