You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
