Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
