woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
