You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
