I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
